I spent the weekend by myself. In my dorm room. My sanctuary, if you will ;). Which is something that is beginning to become a trend while I’m here at school. Week days are usually the only days I see people unless I order food on the weekend. I still can’t decide if this is something I’m fine with or not. On one hand I would like to do things during the weekend but on the other hand I’m too tired to do anything, ever.
I just feel better doing things by myself lately. I don’t want someone to get dinner with me. I don’t want to study with anyone. I don’t want to have conversations with people. Not even my best friend (granted she does live 3,000 miles away so it’s hard to have a conversation with her anyway but I’ll save that for another blog post).
This is going to be my life next semester anyway considering that the people that I do spend small amounts of time with are transferring schools. Next semester I will have zero friends. I’ve started to think that maybe I’m isolating myself to be prepared for a year spent alone and/or attempting to make new friends. I think I’ll be okay and if I can’t make new friends it won’t be great but I’ll live.
I just kind of do things for right now. I just move with the world. Do the things that I need to do. While everything is moving I’m just forced to move with it. It’s not something I’m actively trying to do. Being pushed through life is fine but I’m afraid I’ll look back and be really disappointed by how little I’ll have to remember about this time in my life.
I constantly wonder when I will start to live. How can I choose to live? Is it a choice or will it just happen while everything else happens? These are the thoughts for the beginning of my week. I hope yours are little less heavy and I hope you know how to live life.
Song: Sanctuary (feat. Charles Esten & Lennon & Maisy) by Nashville Cast