Sometimes I think that I’m completely normal person. I’m a happy person right? What do I have to be upset about? Yeah I’m happy. Then something happens and all of the thoughts that make me think otherwise start swirling through my brain.
Today I was sitting at work in the library by myself doing what I usually do. Then a guy comes up to me and I can see his friends behind the bookcases a few rows down watching and listening. He came over and said some terrible line and then asked for my number. This kind of thing never happens to me. My mind immediately went to this being a joke. He also called me “precious”. Which for one makes me want to vomit and then I though “Oh he’s calling me that because I’m fat” (thinking of the movie Precious, which is an amazing movie btw). Why does my mind even go to that conclusion? I wanted to cry. Run. Hide. Hearing him and his friends laugh as they walked away, mocking him for using the word “precious”. Oh my gosh I want to get rid of that whole experience but I can’t stop thinking about it. Later one of his friends came back and asked if I had a cigarette.
Maybe it was a weird frat scavenger hunt or hazing. What ever it was it really messed with me and I hate that. Right when I left work I just thought “Well that made me never want to eat again” and that is so stupid and maladaptive. Now I can’t sleep and I feel like the only time I will ever be asked out is as a joke, so there’s that.
Also I decided that since my first post title was a song title I would just continue that trend. Anyway the music I’m listening too is usually a pretty good indicator of my mood. There may be some weird ones in there as well 😉
Song: Run and Hide by Sabrina Carpenter
xoxo,
A. Rose
i'll be a lighthouse 